Sushi

So, I gave my friend a rice ball.

He said, "What's this? You said you had snow crab legs."

And I said, "That's right. There's no crab legs."

And that's how I got stabbed in the eye with a chopstick.

***

I took him out for sushi.

He said, "Wait, I thought you were taking me out for sushi. We're in a diner."

I said, "That's right. I'm taking you out to Sue. She's going to make you a sandwich, and you're going to eat it like a damn American."

And that's what happened to the other eye.

***

So he ordered a sandwich. He said, "I want a a fish sandwich."

Sue said okay.

He said, "And no bread."

She said, "Atkins or something? All right."

He said, "And a side of rice."

"Sure thing."

"And I want you to stack it up all together."

"You got it, buddy."

Of course, he had to eat tuna salad on a bed of minute rice, so who's the winner there?

(he was going to ask for seaweed, but he figured she'd just wade into the Sound and grab some from there)

***

I asked him out for sashimi.

He said, "Okay, I guess there's nothing else that could mean."

He meets me at the place, and he says, "Why are you naked?"

So I said, "Well, so you can see she+me. If you get caught up in the action, I won't say no, but mostly we just want you to watch."

And that's how I got stabbed in the eye with a dildo. It's a wonder I'm not blind.

I guess he didn't necessarily want to see his mom like that, but talk about an overreaction.

***

Later, I asked him out for yakisoba.

He punched me in the face.

I was probably just going to buy him some noodles, but he was right not to trust me.